Renewal
by Bm89
Summary: How that office conversation should've gone in Chasing Theo... Oneshot. Tuckson (duh). Heed rating. Enjoy!


**I made this one special for you, Bree. ;)**

 **The dialogue in the italics section in the beginning is direct from the episode and** _ **lawd**_ **, Dick Wolf and Julie Martin and Rick Eid can KEEP 'EM. I want no part of it. No sirree…**

 **Forgive any mistakes, please and thank you…**

##

" _Sorry to just drop by," Ed says as her squad disperses, following Olivia to the privacy of her office. "I didn't hear back from you. I was worried. Noah okay?"_

" _Yeah, he's fine. He just climbed up on the kitchen counter," Olivia answers, shutting her office door._

" _Ah."_

 _She moves toward her desk, sorting through messages. "I'm so sorry I didn't get back to you today. We have a missing six year old."_

" _Yeah, I know, I saw the news," he snaps. "You alright?"_

" _Yeah, it's just…" Olivia sighs, distracted, "a lot to deal with."_

 _Ed looks around her office. "Yeah, I can imagine." He pauses, studies her. "You know, it's only been a week since you shot and killed a man, Liv." His words catch her attention, and she looks up slowly. "I mean, I know it was a clean shoot and everything, but…it'd still take a toll," he mumbles, concerned._

" _Yeah," she whispers. "I'm fine."_

 _He hears the finality in her voice, but makes one more attempt. "I don't figure I could, uh…persuade you to get out of here, maybe take a walk, get a cup of coffee or something…?"_

" _I can't leave_ now _," she says, stepping around her desk toward him. "I'm just right in the middle of everything." She pauses, sees the defeat in his eyes. "I'm sorry."_

" _I know," Ed replies stiffly. Their eyes lock, gazes intense, each silently begging for the other to understand, to meet halfway. "Alright," he concedes. He touches her arm and turns for the door._

Olivia watches, mouth slack, as he steps out of her office and into the squad room. Her heart clenches painfully; somehow her body senses that this time is different from others before where she hadn't been able to get away.

"Ed," she calls. "Wait." He stops walking and turns to face her. She scratches at her brow with the nail of her thumb, looking down as she takes the few steps to close the physical distance between them—the emotional distance, she knows, will take more effort. "I really can't leave right now," she says pleadingly. "No matter how much I _want_ to." She looks at him intensely, imploring him to see the truth in her words before shaking her head, frustrated, suppressing the overwhelming urge to grab his hand. "There's just too much going on that I need to be here for…"

Ed sighs in resignation, the ice in his demeanor melting slightly. "I know, it's just…"

"I know," Olivia agrees, interrupting him. "So, listen." She gives into temptation, subtly hooking her pinky finger around his. They weren't in hiding anymore, but they made a conscious effort to limit touches in the precinct. "Tonight. Come over. We'll talk okay? Catch up."

She smiles tentatively when she feels light pressure on her finger.

"You sure you're gonna get out of here?" he asks skeptically.

Olivia shrugs, conceding, "It might be late, but I'll call you when I'm on the way home."

Ed's lips twitch in a small smile and he envelopes her hand in his. "If ya want, I could head over there when I get off," he suggests. "Relieve Lucy, hang out with the little guy until you get home…"

She cocks her head, considering his proposition. "He'd love that," she says finally. "He's missed you."

Her words affect him and his jaw clenches before he speaks lowly. "I've missed _him._ Both of you."

Olivia smiles, squeezing his hand. "Tonight."

"I'll be there."

Ed releases her, nodding slightly before he turns to leave. Her body practically sags in relief, an inexplicable weight lifting off of her shoulders.

"And Liv," he calls, looking at her with a penetrating stare across the squad room. "Take a breather soon, will ya? Even Lieutenants need a break from the chaos."

She nods, smiles sheepishly. "I will," she promises, only just loud enough for him to hear her. Ed nods, sliding his hands in his pockets and smirking triumphantly as he disappears around the corner to the elevators.

Personal crisis averted, Olivia runs a hand roughly through her hair. She beelines back to her office to return messages, her sense of urgency restored.

Surely one of these leads is the one that will bring Theo home safely and put this case to bed.

##

It's not as late as she expected it would be when she slides her key into the lock later that night.

She can hear Noah giggling through the door, and there is a big smile on her face when she finally pushes her way inside.

" _Mommy!_ "

Olivia hardly has time to unload her bag from her shoulder and crouch down before she's grunting from the impact of her son colliding with her chest, nearly knocking her over.

"Hi, my love," she hums, burying her face in his neck and running her fingers through his damp hair. She looks over his shoulder, eyes finding Ed leaning against the living room chair watching them. "You gave him a bath?"

Ed shrugs. "One less thing for you to worry about. And," he adds, shifting uncomfortably, "we made spaghetti for dinner." Olivia arches an eyebrow in amusement. "It was a, uh... _hands-on_ experience," he smirks.

"Did you help make spaghetti, sweet boy?" she asks Noah, looking down at where his head was still pressed to her chest. The toddler nods tiredly, small hand playing with the neckline of her shirt.

"We saved you some," Ed rasps. "It's in the fridge."

"Thank you." Olivia's eyes lock with his as she hugs Noah before, affected, she breaks the contact, standing up and lifting her boy into her arms simultaneously. "Let me get this sleepy guy to bed. Say night-night to Ed, baby," she prods.

She cradles Noah against her hip as he leans forward, wrapping his arms tightly around Ed's neck and muttering a muffled _goodnight_.

"Sleep tight, bud," Ed says softly. He runs a hand down the young boy's back, pressing a kiss to his forehead.

Olivia smiles and leans up to kiss Ed chastely before she heads to Noah's room.

Noah giggles and she tickles him, winking at Ed as she walks by. "Is it funny when Mommy kisses Ed?" She tightens her grip as Noah dissolves into more giggles from her tickling. "Huh?" she teases, "Is that funny?"

##

When she returns to the living room a few minutes later, Ed has reheated the spaghetti for her and a fresh glass of wine waits beside it on the coffee table.

"Bless you," she groans, settling opposite him on the couch. He lets her eat in peace at first, watching in amusement as she practically inhales the food. "This is _so_ good, Ed. Thank you," she says.

"Been awhile since you ate?" he asks knowingly, chuckling when she shoots him a guilty look around another bite.

Olivia takes a sip of wine, changing the subject. "How did things go here?"

"Good," Ed smiles, settling deeper into the couch. "We played some games, made dinner…"

"You wore him out—he's never out after just one story," she jokes, setting her empty plate on the coffee table. "Thank you for doing this, Ed." She reaches out, playing with his fingers where they rest along the back of the couch.

For a long moment, he says nothing, watching their fingers mingle together. Finally, he meets her eyes. "What's goin' on, Liv?" he rasps. " _Talk_ to me. Honestly."

"I don't know…" She shifts uncomfortably, sighing. "Lately," she begins, picking at a speck of lint on her dress pants, "lately, it's just all felt like so…" she looks up, searching, " _so much_."

"What does? Me?"

"No," she says quickly. "Not _just_ you." She takes a deep breath and continues, running an exasperated hand through her hair. "It's _everything_. The cases. Noah, and then trying to find the time in all that to be with you." She tightens her hand around his. "I _want_ it all, and I feel like I _have_ it all—but sometimes I feel like I'm one step away from _losing_ it all," she finishes quietly.

"I've told you I'm not going anywhere, Liv. Not as long as you still want me around…"

"I _do_ ," she assures him. "I do want you around." She brings their joined hands to her lap. "What I said that day in the park? That I've never been happier?" Ed nods with a small smile. "I meant that. And I still feel that way. I'm terrified _this_ ," she gestures between them, "is gonna disappear."

"I get it." He says, moving closer to her and pulling her into him so her head rests on his chest. "Finding the balance is hard, even without _this_ ," he mimics her, gesturing between them. "But… _we_ don't have to exist separately in your life from your job _or_ your boy." He kisses her forehead. "I love Noah just as much as I love you. I know you're a package deal; he's always going to be your first priority—I get that." Olivia nods. "But, like tonight, let me be a _part_ of that," Ed pleads with her. "Let me help you with some of the burden you carry around."

Olivia leans her head back to meet his eyes. "I'm trying," she whispers.

"I know," he says simply. "Just remember, you're not in this alone. And you don't have to be alone in _here_ , either," he taps her forehead playfully, and she grabs at his hand with a smile, swatting it away.

Ed pushes a lock of hair behind her ear, blue eyes meeting brown as the mood shifts back to a markedly more serious one.

With her free hand, she rolls the fabric of his t-shirt between her thumb and index finger, her eyes narrowing contemplatively. "I think I thought…once we survived everything that happened last year, it would be easy from there on out, you know?" She shakes her head. "But it's all still so _complicated_ ," she finishes.

"Relationships are hard work, Liv," Ed says softly. "Even the best ones." He kisses her forehead. "But loving you is, by far, the easiest thing I've ever done."

Having no words, Olivia sits up on her knees, clutching his cheeks in both of her hands. "I love you," she murmurs.

Before he can say anything else, she lowers her lips to his; deepening the kiss when she feels his hands slide up the outside of her thighs. With him, even the simplest touches, like this one, make her skin tingle in anticipation.

Without breaking the kiss, she adjusts herself so she's straddling him, smiling when Ed releases a muted groan against her mouth. Her hands slide from his cheeks down to his chest until they cover his on her thighs. She removes them and laces their fingers together before moving their joined hands above his shoulders.

The kiss intensifies and Olivia tilts her head, seeking more access as her tongue spars passionately with his. She settles further on his lap, squeezing her thighs around his once they are hip-to-hip. She can feel how strongly his body is reacting to hers and it triggers a moan from deep in her throat. _It's been so long._

Gasping, Ed tears his mouth from hers. "Christ, I've missed you."

He throws his head back as her lips find home on his neck, tongue and teeth threatening to mark his skin, reddened from his arousal. She releases one of his hands, reaching between their bodies to pull up the plain white undershirt he's wearing, his dress shirt a long ago casualty of the spaghetti. She scratches at the skin of his chest.

One hand free, Ed slides it sensually up her thigh, all the way to her hip, where his fingers tease the bare skin just above the waistband of her pants.

"Touch me," she commands breathily, covering his hand with hers and pushing it upward until he's cupping a lace-covered breast. She grasps the back of his neck as she hovers over him. "It feels like it's been forever," she whines, shifting her hips over his. Reaching for the hem of his t-shirt, she whips it over his head, temporarily detaching his hand from her chest.

Olivia kisses him again, hard, thrusting her tongue into his mouth without preamble and swallowing his deep moan of surprise. She pulls back only to allow him to divest her of her blouse, which he subsequently tosses to parts unknown.

"Beautiful," he murmurs, leaning forward and pressing open-mouthed kisses along her collarbone and upper chest.

The first time he'd made love to her, he diligently laved attention on each of her scars, kissing at them to reassure her that they didn't matter; she was beautiful regardless. Now, it's as if they aren't even there. He sees past them, to the woman underneath.

She holds his head to her, fingertips gently scratching his scalp as he licks and nips along the edge of her bra. "So good," she mewls, biting her lip, her breath catching when she feels the band of her bra release, the clasp expertly undone and the material tossed. Ed smirks victoriously against the swell of her bare breast.

He leans forward, eagerly covering her newly exposed flesh with his mouth, his tongue swirling and flicking her nipple into stiffness. Whimpering, Olivia scrapes her hands down the heated, muscled skin of his back, releasing a cry and holding on for dear life as Ed pushes up from the couch. He holds her to him with one arm across her back and the other around her middle until she wraps her legs around his waist.

" _My God_ ," Olivia moans, out of breath. She brings a hand up to clutch his head as he blindly carries her to the bedroom, his face buried in her chest and shoulders.

Ed crosses the threshold of her doorway, whipping around quickly once he shuts the door to press her up against it. She gasps and then groans loudly at the impact, and Ed chuckles against her neck at her outburst. " _Shhhhh_ ," he reminds her, nipping lightly at her earlobe. He lets her weight rest more on her upper back, his hands migrating downward to grab at her backside.

"Babe," she grunts. Olivia wants to touch more of him— _all_ of him—but she's limited in how much she can reach in the position he has her in. She paws at his shoulders, panting. "Bed..."

She bites back a yelp when he practically throws her atop the mattress, hands palming her breasts before traveling down her torso and determinedly undoing the button and fly of her dress pants. She lifts her hips and helps him shove them down her thighs, gasping when he tugs them the rest of the way off from her ankles.

Olivia knows him. It's always his goal to get her completely naked first; she can see in his eyes that his next move is to make a memory of her panties, but she's quicker this time. She smirks proudly at the look of surprise on his face when she's suddenly on her knees on the mattress, her hands fumbling to get his pants undone and off, eager to even the score.

While she works, he runs his fingers through her hair, massaging her scalp before sliding down and rubbing the smooth skin of her bare back. It's something that knocks him sideways every time he sees her—clothed or otherwise—how truly beautiful she is, inside and out.

His pants drop to the floor, and he cradles her head in his hands, tilting her face up to meet her eyes. "I want you," he whispers, pressing his forehead to hers.

The borderline frenzy of their actions leading up to this moment gives way to slower, more tender intimacy, and Olivia wraps her arms around his waist so they're chest-to-chest. She closes her eyes briefly at the contact before connecting with him again. "You have me."

Without another word, she settles back on the mattress, shimmying out of her panties and tossing them onto the floor before lying with her head amongst the pillows.

As if the look of pure love and desire in her eyes weren't enough to beckon him to her, her arms reach for him, her voice heavy with arousal when she murmurs, "Get over here..."

Hooking his thumbs in the waistband of his briefs, he carefully steps out of them, smirking as she watches his every move. Her dark eyes rake hungrily over his muscled flesh and her teeth sink seductively into her lower lip.

Beginning at her feet, Ed kisses a winding trail up her body, zigzagging from one side to the other, never setting a pattern—predictably unpredictable in his affections. Her body reacts to his as it always has; with little gasps escaping her mouth, muscles twitching against his lips as she desperately pulls at his shoulders, trying to move him along at a quicker pace.

When he licks around her bellybutton and up the center of her smooth stomach, her back arches violently into the touch and pushes her breasts out, dark nipples already pebbled and begging for his attention. "Ed," she husks.

"Hmm?"

"I need—"

"You need…?" he taunts her, moving his mouth downward again and dipping his tongue into her bellybutton.

" _More_ ," she grunts helplessly. This man does things to her that no one else before ever has. She _craves_ him; wants to feel his mouth on every inch of her body, all at once. She wants him to fill her.

"More what?"

His voice is infuriatingly nonchalant, almost smug. As if he isn't affected at all by her nakedness, as if his hard length wasn't pressed against her thigh.

Olivia reaches down and touches the side of his face, letting her fingers trace along the edge of his ear. He rests his chin on her stomach and watches her, mirth co-mingling with arousal in his blue eyes. "You enjoy torturing me, don't you?" she asks breathlessly, smirking.

"Torture? No," he shakes his head. "Touching," he says. He runs his hands up her stomach until finally, mercifully, he's cupping her breasts. His eyes darken a shade as he watches her eyelids slowly fall shut, her breath hitching in pleasure. Affected, "I enjoy touching you." He flicks a nipple with his thumb. "Not the same thing," he teases her.

She puts her hands over his, and together they manipulate her breasts until she is panting heavily and a thin sheen of sweat erupts on her skin. She writhes as much as she can with his weight restricting her lower half, brown hair curling at her temples from her exertion and the heat they've created in the room.

Unable to withstand anymore teasing, she reaches for his shoulders, pulling him up her body with purpose until he's cradled between her thighs, holding himself up with his hands on either side of her head.

Eyes locked on his, she stealthily reaches between them, her hand wrapping firmly around his length. His forehead drops to hers, the air in his lungs escaping him in a strangled gasp as he trembles above her.

How quickly the tables have turned.

"Liv," he croaks.

"Just touching, right?" she asks him playfully, the carnal look in her eyes offsetting the innocence in her voice. _Payback is a bitch_. "Not torture?"

Olivia strokes him gently but firmly, smirking when his hips jerk with the effort it takes him not to thrust into her hand. "Fuck…" he bites out. "I can't..."

Ed is panting when she finally releases him, her hands grazing the skin of his sides before traversing inwards, caressing his chest tenderly as he hovers above her.

For a moment, they're silent, just breathing together, in and out, before she finally whispers, "I'm sorry, you know," searching his eyes. "I should've said it before, out there." She cocks her head toward the living room.

"Sorry for what?"

"Pushing you away," she shrugs. "I do that."

Ed chuckles, "I've noticed," adding, "no one's perfect, Liv." He pushes her hair out of her face, cupping her cheek with one hand while he holds himself up with the other. "This is new for me, too, ya know. It's overwhelming sometimes—but I think it feels like this because it's _real_ ," he says emphatically. "We just gotta protect it."

Olivia nods, tears brimming on her lower lashes as she pulls him in for a kiss, her lips parting against his immediately. He lowers himself down to his forearms, grinding his hips into hers, and their bodies release simultaneous groans when they're finally pressed flush together.

The kiss is languid, probing, and Olivia hums into his mouth when his hand slides down her body, fingertips gently teasing the side of her breast on the way to their final destination. Goosebumps prickle across her skin and her hips shift under his as he teases the outside of her thigh with a barely-there touch before moving inward at a tantalizingly slow pace.

He can feel the heat of her arousal before his fingers find her wetness, and having the evidence of her desire for him coating his fingertips, he grunts into her mouth, pressing her head deeper into the pillows as he kisses her harder.

Olivia's hands tighten around his shoulders, fingernails digging into his sweat-slickened skin. She's overwhelmed by his taste, the feel of his sturdy body pressing hers into the bed, the way his fingers are gently circling her clit, stoking the flames of her arousal until she's close to the point of no return, toes just peeking out over the proverbial edge.

She tears her mouth from his, pressing her forehead into the side of his neck as she gasps for breath.

"You okay?" Ed grates. He turns his face into her hair, brown locks matted from sweat and rubbing on the pillows.

"Yeah," she whispers, pulling back. She reaches down and takes his hand from her center, lacing their fingers together. "I don't need that…just you," she husks. She lifts her hips, making her meaning clear, and watches as his eyelids fall shut.

Untangling their hands, he reaches down again, this time to line himself up with her entrance. "Ready?" Olivia nods and slowly he pushes forward, bringing his hand up to tangle in her hair. He presses his forehead against her temple, his breath quickening and his arms nearly buckle under his own weight as her tight warmth surrounds him. "Oh, fuck," he mutters pithily. His jaw clenches with the force of his restraint as he remains immobile above her, letting her adjust to him.

Olivia presses her forehead into his shoulder; her hands sliding down to squeeze his hips as she bites her lip, letting a hum of satisfaction escape her mouth. "Ed," she sighs.

It's her way of telling him she's okay.

He buries his face in her neck as he finally begins moving inside her, slowly at first since they're both struggling to maintain even a semblance of control over their own bodies. She feels his breath against in her neck coming in pants, and she slides a hand up his back, palming the back of his head as he pulls nearly all the way out, before pushing back in, only harder this time.

She flattens her feet against the mattress, using the leverage to meet his thrusts with her own as their bodies move together in a rhythm they have long ago perfected.

Heavy, panting breaths and muffled moans of pleasure fill the room and eventually, unwilling to let Ed do all the work, she takes him by surprise, hooking her right leg around his left and pushing forward until their positions are reversed.

His hands find her hips as she rises above him, planting her hands on his chest to support herself as she moves over him, matching the pace he'd set.

Ed's eyes are dark and intense as they wander over her body, greedily drinking in every inch of the olive skin on display. His fingers massage her hips, drifting upward to caress her stomach before sliding around to grip her back, eyes sliding shut as she moves her hips in a rotating motion. She bites her lip when he gasps her name, his head arching backward into the pillows, eyes shut tight as he fights for control over the searing flames of arousal that are threatening to take over.

She's smiling when he is finally able to open his eyes again, and he returns it, albeit half-heartedly as he tries to remember to breathe. He props himself up on an elbow and reaches his other hand up to cradle the back of her head, pulling her down for a kiss.

Her movements slow as she bends down to accommodate him, one hand sliding from his chest to cup his neck as he probes her mouth with his tongue. The kiss breaks with a grunt, and still clutching his neck, Olivia rests her forehead against his. Panting breaths mix in the space between them as he thrusts up to meet her downward movements.

"Not gonna last much longer, Liv," he warns her breathlessly. She nods against him, releasing a strangled moan when he adjusts to where he can reach a nipple with his mouth, pulling it between teeth and nibble the sensitive peak in an effort to bring her closer to the edge.

He won't fall over it before she does.

Gripping her hips, he flips them back over and she bites her lip, wrapping her legs around him as he moves inside her.

" _So close_ ," she whispers raggedly, sucking on the skin below his ear. She trails kisses along his neck, moaning against his skin as his pace becomes faster, harder.

Somehow, he sneaks a hand between their bodies without her noticing, too caught up in all of the other sensations warring for her attention, and rubs tight circles over her clit. Before she can even process what's happening, she's coming with a strangled gasp, her teeth sinking into his shoulder as she twitches and jerks, riding the crest of her powerful release.

The vice grip her inner walls have on him leaves him with literally no choice but to follow her into nirvana, and his eyes shut tightly as he shudders, spilling himself inside her.

Unable to hold himself up anymore, she grunts under the impact of his dead weight, and for several minutes, the only sound in the room is their breathing as their heart rates gradually return to normal.

"I'm crushing you," he observes, muttering into the damp skin of her chest. He makes no move to get off of her.

She runs her fingers over the back of his neck, holding him against her with her other hand on his back. "I like it."

"Can you breathe?"

Craning her head back as far as it'll go in their position, Olivia looks down at him somewhat incredulously; his head is buried in her chest. She can feel his lips pressed against her skin whenever he speaks. "Can _you_? _"_

Ed chuckles, letting out an exaggerated groan as he finds the strength to push himself up, both of them wincing as his softened member slides out of her.

"I hate that part," she whispers, turning to face him as he plops on the mattress at her side.

He hums in agreement, pulling her close threading a leg between hers. She lifts her head so he can extend an arm beneath it, his other coming to rest on her waist. "That was…" he trails off, at a loss for words.

"It always is," she murmurs, reaching up and cupping his cheek. She runs her thumb across the seam of his lips and smiles when he kisses it.

They're both blinking slow; physically exhausted from their lovemaking and emotionally drained from everything leading up to it. It's a challenge to stay awake.

Olivia shifts impossibly closer to him, pressing her forehead against his. There is hardly room for air between their bodies, but somehow, he doesn't feel close enough. She wraps her left arm around his neck, caressing the back of his head with her thumb. The tender, repetitive movement works like a drug, lulling them both toward sleep as their breaths slow.

His eyelids droop, and she smirks at how almost childlike he looks; perfectly sated, his features are relaxed, unguarded.

"Ed," she breathes.

His arm twitches on her waist but his eyes stay shut as he hums in acknowledgement, barely conscious.

She wants to sleep; both her mind and body need to rest after the physical and emotional rigor they've survived recently, but she at the same time, she is buzzing-there are so many things she wants to say.

Other than Noah, Ed is without a doubt the best thing that's happened to her. She wants him to know that; she wants him to know that _she_ knows that.

She's always had a knack for running when things get too hard, or she starts feeling too much, afraid of getting hurt. But despite evidence to the contrary, she's trying to change those patterns. For all of her past relationship missteps, she knows unequivocally that the chance she took with him was the right one.

He is the one she wants to run _to._

He's the one.

But then he sighs sleepily, unconsciously pulling her closer by the waist as he nestles deeper into the pillow, his forehead still connected to hers, and she keeps rubbing her thumb along the back of his head.

All of those things can wait until morning. Instead, she adjusts her head as it rests against his arm, and whispers, "I love you."

##

 **Ta-da! I haven't written full-blown (heh) smut in a** _ **long**_ **time, so that was good practice, but I'm sorry if that wasn't some of my best work.**

 **Hope that accomplished what you were looking for, though, Bree my love!**

 **Any more requests, send 'em my way. It seems like the muse is hangin' out for a while.**


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